“Experts urge UK households follow tips to beat heatwave, Dread Spider Tide” screech the inter-tabloids. Sparkling pig-grade hogwash, I say. I’ve recently discovered that the only things you need to defeat the sun are a cheap space heater set to fan mode and a PC overworked to boiling point, the combination of which creates some sort of mysteriously blissful temperature vacuum. Also, I refuse to open my curtains. For those also working on their attractive monitor-glow sallow tan, here are this week’s new PC game releases.