I recently took on a garden allotment tenancy for what I now consider the tellingly low rent of £60 a year. Arming myself with some shiny new shears, I visited my little slice of heaven and found it to be a resentful thicket of Guinness cans, sacks of worrying discarded clothing, nettles sturdier than barbed wire, and insects of a kind I have never seen before and never care to again.
At one point I got my foot stuck in a long-abandoned bucket and, while running around in a panic, put my other foot through a red ant nest. It was a lot like playing the demo for Cleanfall, except that I can’t build an airship out of flying jellyfish and flamethrowers and blast this stupid allotment into submission. Mind you, Cleanfall is evidence that an airship made of flying jellyfish and flame throwers will only get you so far.