Rematch players are still crashing out over ‘self-absorbed’ ball hogs, and while I do get it, I can’t help but wonder if some zen is in order

I seriously doubt you’re going to be shocked by this information but, almost a full month later, Rematch players are still bent out of shape over passes. Or, rather, they’re crashing out about players not passing.

Dip into the game’s subreddit, and you’ll see ‘pass, damnit!’ posts cropping up so often, you could set your watch to them. Here’s a post to the tune of nearly 800 upvotes wherein one poor soul goes on a 621-word rant just—absolutely tearing into the fools in their routine ranked queue.

“Honestly, not trying to do anything with this post. I know people won’t change because I made a Reddit post; this is just a rant, because, let’s face it, none of the dicks this is aimed at will even give a shit, but also, fuck you guys because you fucking suck.

“I’ve seen so many technically good players who can pull off good dribbles, rainbow flicks, tackles, shots, and even passes (when they want to) but who also lack any sort of actual functioning brain that strings all that shit together. Most importantly, you’re all just a bunch of selfish wankers who would rather spend 6 minutes blade shotting, giving away possession, and generally being the most self-absorbed pricks in the entire world.”

I’ll cut them off there, because it goes on like that for a while, but they’re certainly not the only one. Here’s a less elegantly worded rant from a different player: “FUCKING PASS IT. PASS THE BALL. MATE PASS THE FUCKING BALL. PASS IT YOU DIP SHIT. PASS IT TO ANYONE. DON’T FUCKING RAINBOW FLICK IT. PASS THE FUCKING BALL.”

It’s hard to tell, but I think they might be upset about something.

You’ve even got players coming after hairstyles—specifically, one that’s a reference to Meguru Bachira from sports anime Blue Lock who, best I can tell, is ironically known for his passes. “They’re like the BMW in traffic. Never pass, spam good job when someone makes an error, dribble as goalkeeper. Is this from a kid’s show or something?” Writes the thread’s author, to which another player replies: “They all essentially think they are ‘him’.”

So—is Rematch plagued by selfish ball-hogs? I mean, obviously. It’s a multiplayer game. But I can’t help wondering if some zen is in order here.

Don’t get me wrong, having grown up on MOBAs, I’ve had more than my fair share of raging at teammates. But I’ve recently started adopting the ‘you are traffic’ mentality. Yes, you’re gonna lose Rematch games because your teammates suck and don’t pass, but if you’re in ranked? Guess what, buddy. You also suck.

In recent games, I’ve started to religiously spam the ‘we got this!’ emote whenever something remotely bad happens. Did my goalie beef it? We got this. Did a wannabe Bachira hug the ball and immediately lose it? We got this. And you know what? It works. Tilt really is the mindkiller, and whether I’m quietly seething or not, hammering left on my d-pad costs nothing.